My advice to same sex parents to be

So you’ve found the one. Your best friend. The one you want to spend the rest of your life with. You’ve married, or maybe you haven’t. You’ve got a couple of cats and a dog, you’ve bought a house, you’ve travelled the world, but there’s one thing missing. That one question that is on the tip of everyone's tongue, WHEN will you be having kids? You’ve had the conversation a million times, HOW are we going to have kids? Can we afford it? Will it hurt? Is it too long of a process? Should we just adopt?

There’s so many questions and so many answers. Everyone has a different story, but here is ours.

My wife and I met in New Zealand, her family live there so she was travelling whilst I had moved over there to work. When we met it was a whirlwind holiday romance which just ended up turning into a: can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t live without each other, let’s get married, buy a house by the beach and have babies kind of love.

It all sounded so dreamy, until we realised there was absolutely no way on earth we would be able to afford to have any kind of fertility treatment in New Zealand. So the decision was made to move back to the UK and start our forever life. We came home, we settled down, we got engaged and we started planning our wedding.

Weeks turned to months and after lots of ‘when is the right time’ conversations, we decided to just start researching the methods available to same sex couples in the UK to conceive.

Wow, it was an absolute black hole, there was so many different options and we were very overwhelmed.

IVF seemed the most popular option, but it was ridiculously expensive and I knew I didn’t have any fertility problems. It seemed silly to pay so much money out on treatment that was built for people who physically couldn’t conceive. There were other options too, that were a little less money, but all carried risks.

So I did my research and I whittled it down and wrote a short pros and cons list for each one.


Cost per cycle: Min £5,000

Info: The egg is removed from the body, fertilised with sperm outside of the body. Once fertilised it is then put backinto the woman to grow and develop into a baby.


30% chance success rate for my age, which at the time was 29

Consultant led, continuous support from the doctor

Counselling offered

Extra early pregnancy scans and care


Side effects from medication

Multiple birth

Ectopic pregnancy

Ovarian hyperstimulation



Cost per cycle: £600 - £1,500

Info: High quality sperm is injected into the uterus around ovulation and left to fertilise an egg on its own accord


Much cheaper option than IVF

Only available in licensed clinics so sperm is screened

Consultant led so lots of medical support

Counselling available

Less invasive than IVF


Cramping and discomfort

Ovarian Hyperstimulation

Multiple births

20% chance of success